This is Jake. He’s 13 years old. Jake stayed with us for a week. He did this a lot.
When he wasn’t napping, he ran after them…
That wasn’t easy because they’re fast. Really fast. But Jake insisted on keeping pace. Which meant more naps. Jake had his portrait sketched napping while napping…
His owner said Jake could have cheetos but we didn’t share. I felt like there might be a crucial second half that was left off to that statement. As in, “Jake loves cheetos (pause)… (beat)…but cheetos give him explosive diarrhea!” We stuck to his healthy dogfood. The kids set a poop scooper system by the back door and one to-go. Life with Jake was fun and easy for the first few days.
Everyone gave him dog treats because he’s sooo cute and we laughed if he sneezed, nosed into stuff or when he pushed our trash can over and over and over. He was petted and brushed on a fluffy prince pillow and patted while told stories. When the car keys jingled, Jake morphed into super-nimble-energetic-youthful-dog somehow passing all of us to wait by the back door even though he needed help to scramble up on the sofa five minutes ago.
Day four was our awakening. That’s when we discovered… Jake’s stubborn. Taking him outside was a forty-five minute affair in which he may or may not release three drops of urine. He LOLLYGAGGED for lack of a better, lazier word.
Jake escorted us to a festival. We learned that he had ‘leash aggression’ We were able to properly diagnose him with that because after dog sitting for only a few days, we knew everything about all dogs. He couldn’t trot along without snarling hellfire at any four legged beast within a mile radius. I mean, come on, Jake. Can you really see that far? He was extremely aggressive with loud barking and lunging at other dogs that we left the festival out of embarrassment. Dogs also have an expected social etiquette, yes?
staring down a dog ten times his size, natch
Speaking of manners, Jake could ninja flip twist onto our dining room table to try and get our dinner but made us lift him up to his sleeping pillow which rested on the floor.
Maybe he tried to explain his behavior with beautiful midnight concertos. He slept normally for three nights and just when we all felt comfortable… Jake had something to say…and bark…and howl again…and yip yip yap — yip yip yap into the night.
He went with us on 90% of our errands but a few times we snuck out the front door while he waited at the back. It sounds cruel but we had food to deliver and Jake sat on top of the driver. He didn’t believe in any other seating. He wedged himself between the front door arm rest and my leg. After fifteen minutes my left side was numb. Not exactly safe driving. For some unknown reason Jake had old grandpa dog gas in the car. His farts had choking power and made our eyes water.
The week taught us a lot about Jake and more about ourselves. We learned that Jake is a fantastic, loving dog who missed his home and owner. We found out how much dedication and commitment caring for a canine takes. And finally…it’s okay that we’re not ready for a dog. It’s okay that we might not even be dog people. Don’t get upset with us, dog lovers. That just means more pup-dogs for you guys.